Medium Low

My good friend B is an executive at a television network. As such, he gets free annual physical exams at the company clinic. Yesterday he went for this year's exam. Usually the doctor doing the exam is a hot 30-something female, so B kind of looks forward to it.

B had the usual blood tests and other prodding, and then it was time for his prostate exam. Suddenly, B realized that his bowels were not quite as vacant as one would hope at a time like this. Too late now, he thought.

The doctor who arrived for the prostate exam was not in fact the hottie, but a 60-year-old male. As he probed B's least receptive orifice, he said to B:

Doctor: So, did you give a blood sample?

B: Yes.

Doctor: Yeah, well I have a stool sample here too.

With that the doctor ripped off his glove, threw it into the trashcan and stormed out the door, leaving B with a lube-covered and lube-filled ass. B reports that he did the "toddler walk" down the hall, trying to get to the bathroom to clean himself up without leaking santorum all over his pants.

Yesterday some program my kids were watching on TV referred to the practice of counting sheep to help oneself fall asleep. It made me wonder where the concept came from.

This morning I had to go settle one of my kids at 4:30am. My personal practice for getting myself to sleep when it doesn't happen naturally is to mentally play back the highlight reel of my sexual history. I'll go through partners sequentially from my first sexual experience and remember the best episodes with each of them.

It occurred to me that perhaps the person who invented the notion of counting sheep was doing exactly the same thing. But when his wife asked him how he got to sleep, he couldn't really say, "I reminisced about all of the sheep I'd had sex with." So he said he had been "counting" them.